All I can think is It wasn't supposed to be like this. I listen to the same sad song at least 20 times a day because it puts into coherent words the sadness/pain/sense of loss I feel welling up at the most unexpected moments. It is playing now as I type and the tears are flowing.
I cry as quietly as possible because I do not want to frighten my new roommate but I wish I could just let the tears and sobs flow without inhibition. Perhaps if I could cry loudly and for a long time than I would be relieved of my sadness at a faster rate than if I continue to ration them into smaller portions for the benefit of those around me.
I don't want to buy new housewares. I don't want to sleep alone. I don't want to pretend I'm not in pain. I don't want to keep crying.
I want to go home.
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You, dear, are an inspiration to me! You have been since I met you. I understand how difficult this lonliness is to you and how unfair it is to face this. It's ok to cry! The people around you will understand. Just remember to surround yourself with supportive people who love you no matter what!! We're here to carry you on days you can't! To love you when you feel unlovable! "Save your ass when it needs saving!" (Had to do it! Ya-ya!) Leah, you have strength you don't even know about! You can do this! And be a strong, better person for it! I love you!!
ReplyDeleteEmotions are not the inconsequential by-product of life but rather the distilled essence of living. They are the truth and we must listen.
ReplyDeletepeace